J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets

The football season began this morning. If the Jets have to be out in the humidity today, the least I can do is be there, too. Here's what happened:

7:01 a.m. – Grant Hill’s wife wakes me up for the start of football season. Sadly, Tamia's sultry R&B voice sings through my low-budget alarm clock and nowhere closer.

7:08 – Method Man kicks in after a quick seven-minute snooze. Why does football have to start so early? Don’t they know I work nights?

7:15 – Oh, hell no!

8:08 – Uh, oopsies. Perhaps I should wake up now.

8:23 – Out the door after shower and sufficient hair-gel preparation.. Breakfast simply isn’t an option.

8:44 – Arrive at Hofstra after driving like I live my life a quarter-mile at a time.

8:46 – Try talking my way past a security guard/traffic director. He’s steadfast in his denial. He is wasted on asphalt. Put this guy on the defensive line because nothing gets past him.

8:54 – Walk to practice field, get first visual and audio of Herm Edwards. Everything seems OK after that; further convinced that if Herm walked into a room and I had no arms, I’d still find a way to hug the guy.

8:57 – First official J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! chant comes from young children shouting out bus windows.

9:12 – Jonathan Vilma, in minimal upper-body padding, puts a hit on Muneer Moore during return drills that is heard across the training complex.

9:23 – Chat with another reporter centers around the impending hype and excitement of The Guise Classic, a golf outing in Connecticut.

9:35 – Wayne Chrebet catches a pass near the sideline and is ridden out of bounds by Ray Mickens. Chrebet jogs back to the huddle, unconcussed. Impressive. The Jersey Jet is back!

9:42 – Dump-off drills bring back harsh memories of 3-yard passes on third-and-4, 2-yard draws on third-and-3 and general Paul Hacket play calling; sky is gray for a reason.

9:48 – Lawyer friend and longtime suffering Jet fan Steve calls the cellie looking for a Pennington report, and autographed Herm Edwards photo. I ask for stock tips in exchange. No deal is consummated.

9:52 – New defensive coordinator Donnie Henderson shouts instructions at his players; appears he’ll be a good influence on the Jets, but Teddy Cottrell’s spouting of outrageous statistics will be missed.

10:01 – Pennington beautifully places a ball in between two defensive backs and into the hands of Jonathan Carter along the left sideline

10:17 – Upon retirement in 40 years, I will become a training camp referee. What a great job to have! Stand around, drink free water and Gatorade, throw a flag without being yelled at by coaches. Few things seem this mindless.

10:25 – Hummer appears to replace the Cadillac Escolade as SUV of choice among these athletes

10:28 – “Good job, fella” is Pennington’s response to the contract Peyton Manning signed in the offseason

10:29 – “It’s weird not seeing #16 out here. It’s different, it’s very different,” Pennington says about new Cowboys quarterback Vinny Testaverde. Different is good.

10:34 – Curtis Martin’s advice to the rookies in camp: “Just shut up and focus.”

10:39 – Anthony Becht looks like Vinny Testaverde’s brother.

10:40 – John Abraham stands next to his olive green Hummer H2 and it’s hard to tell the difference between the piece of the steel used to get Abraham from place to place and the piece of steel that is Abraham.

10:41 – Did John Abraham get trap implants, or was he always that huge?

11:05 – Herm Edwards walks to the podium and the humidity no longer matters, nor does that stench coming from near the tent that serves as a makeshift media room.

11:07 – “You get mad at your wife one day and come home, you don’t want to change your wife. If you do, something’s wrong,” Edwards said in response to questions about his “new” personality and attitude.

11:09 – “We gotta make plays.” Yes! Thanks, Herm. There it is, the first official “We gotta make plays” quote of the season. Over/under on usage of that phrase by NFL players this year is 4,329. Note to self: call the boys in Antigua and bet max on the over.

11:16 – “If we start running Curtin in the A-gap ahead of Lamont, you guys are gonna look at me like I’m the man on the moon.” Another solid moment from Herm.

11:17 – My morning is complete. Time for breakfast.