Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Madden 2005

Football began last night. Monday night. Madden!

I watched the game with the sound off. That’s correct. I opted for no more of John Madden.

Too bad ABC won’t do the same. Yes, I realize I just cursed in front of the Pope during mass at the Vatican and gave Gandhi a stomach punch while eating a sandwich. But something needs to be done about Madden. He jumped the shark about four years ago and no one told him.

Madden was once the greatest football analyst ever and will be regarded as the voice of a generation and one who changed the way a network brought viewers the game. Nothing said Sunday afternoon more than Madden (and Summerall) during a Giants-Cowboys game in November as the sky darkened and Mom waited for the end of the game to serve dinner.

Listening to Monday Night Football last season was like watching Evander Holyfield post-2000. This season will be much of the same. Is Dennis Miller still available? How 'bout Boomer Esiason? I'll settle for Boomer from Meatballs II.

Aside from the “BOOM!” call, I can only imagine some of Madden’s other gems from last night’s Hall of Fame Game.

I imagine Madden offered something like this last night, and if not, take out a home equity loan and bet the money you’ll hear it soon:

“And, and, and, and, and that’s the thing,” usually followed up by some master-of-the-obvious line like, “When you score a touchdown, you get six points,” or “When the quarterback gives him the ball, he’s going to run.”

These gems make Dan Dierdorf sound like the Vin Scully of football. I wonder if audio TiVo exists, so I can listen only to the play-by-play calling of Al Michaels. Otherwise, the only Madden I will listen to is the commentary when I play his video games.

Hey, where’d that truck come from?

E-mail me

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