Friday, September 24, 2004

Get your hustle on

Jay-Z was wrong! You can knock the hustle.

I caught another "Hustle" promo on ESPN late Thursday night/early Friday morning. Ouch.

This "movie" will supplant Joe Torre's "Curveballs Along the Way" as the worst two hours in cinematic history.

The creation of this "movie" combined with that outrageous wig atop Tom Sizemore's head are two more reasons Pete Rose belongs nowhere near the Hall of Fame. Did the producers call up Maury from "Goodfellas" for that wig (Maury's wigs don't come off)?

I'm slowly getting the feeling that the "So bad, it's good" corollary will apply to this production, which is a step ahead of those other straight-to-ESPN classics "Season the Brink" and "The Junction Boys," which were so bad, they were bad.

The concept of "So bad, it's good" goes like this: somewhere floating around in the ether is this imaginary threshhold that propels something completely terrible into the realm of moral imperative. Think "The Fast and the Furious," "Hudson Hawk" and Dirty South rapper Juvenile's song, "Back 'dat --- up." Life without working knowledge of these pop culture gems is not worth living.

Sizemore's wig is so bad, it could turn into the must-have haircut in Hollywood.

The acting figures to be so brutal, rumor has it Keanu Reeves didn't get a callback after his audition, so that's a positive.

Wait a second. I gotta go watch the trailer again on the Web . . .

. . .

. . .

. . . Ah, I feel better now. Thanks for waiting. I can't get enough of that wig. I'm like Pookie working in Nino Brown's crack factory in "New Jack City". It keeps calling me.

And what's with the misplaced pause and wrong word accent in that classic line, "No one is going to touch him while he's wearing . . . THE . . . uniform"?

So bad. So good.

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