Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Mark's Media Day

If my boss was kind enough to ship me to Jacksonville for Super Bowl Media Day, I’d be blogging all day about what people said and did, about which people should be publicly flogged during the halftime show for being stupid, about which Eagle cheerleader is the hottest, and maybe a few other treats.

But alas, the boss is pretty hardcore, so I’m stuck in Melville. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. And besides, this is the WORLD Wide Web, so maybe Donovan and the boys down there will read this and e-mail me their responses.

If I were there for Media Day, here are the questions I’d ask:

To Terrell Owens: How many women have dropped their towel in front of you since Nicollette Sheridan did it on national television?
Follow-up: C’mon, T.O., be honest. How’d she look?

To Donovan McNabb: What makes you the coolest quarterback in football?
Follow-up: What’s up, guy?

To Brian Dawkins: Why won’t you shave the silly little mustache?
Follow-up: I can recommend a good razor if you need one. OK?

To Freddie Mitchell: The hair?
Follow-up: You should go see Stylist friend Claudette. She’ll hook you up. Want the number?

To Jeff Blake: Do you really still have a job?
Follow-up: Which was the best: Being a backup with the Jets? Being the backup with the Bengals after being the starter? Being a backup with the Saints after being the starter? Being the backup with the Eagles?

To Andy Reid: When T.O. catches a touchdown in the first half, will you wear the tights for the second half as payment of your bet with him?
Follow-up: How many trick plays do you have planned for this game, Trick Daddy?
Follow-up: Gino’s or Pat’s?

To Rodney Harrison: This is your second straight Super Bowl. Are you as surprised as the rest of America because you haven’t been in trouble with the law during these two weeks?
Follow-up: Who is the better ADA on Law & Order, Jack McCoy or Ben Stone?

To Tedy Bruschi: Why can’t you spell your first name like a normal person?
Follow-up: How many brewskies could a Bruschi drink if a Bruschi could drink brewskies?

To Bill Belichick: When was the last time you expressed emotion?
Follow-up: No, really. When?
Follow-up: Why won’t you let Charlie Weis and other assistants talk to the media?
Follow-up: Do you think you’re Bill Parcells?
Follow up: Is it true you’ll be head coach, offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator next year?
Follow up: Why is Steve Grogan playing free safety?

To Tom Brady: Did you really tuck the ball against the Raiders?
Follow-up: Why are you lying?
Follow-up: Do you have nightmares about Charles Woodson coming around the end unblocked and crushing you?

To Adam Vinatieri: If you pull a Ray Finkle, will you have a sex change operation?
Follow-up: Was Mars Blackmon right? Is it really the shoes?

To Willie McGinest: How’d you get an Irish last name?
Follow-up: Who’s the better Teddy: Pendergrass or Bruschi?

To Dan Klecko: You majored in physical education. Are you serious?
Follow-up: In the movie PCU, when Droz kicks the kid out of him room who majored in physical education, were you offended?
Follow-up: Your dad had a cameo appearance in the movie Cannonball Run. Any chance you’ll follow in his footsteps if I do a remake of that flick?

To Troy Brown: What’s the stupidest question you were asked today?
Follow-up: Thanks a lot, pal. I hope you get burned covering Jeff Thomason.