Friday, April 22, 2005

Mocking the draft

Alex Smith or Aaron Rodgers? Aaron Rodgers or Alex Smith? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

By now, you're so flooded with NFL mock drafts and "Who's going No. 1" speak, FEMA has approved disaster relief funds and musicians are lining up to do a benefit concert to save you.

But, here in Keyboard Quarterbacks, a safe haven from mainstream nonsense (we prefer our own brand of nonsense), we don't care who goes No. 1, who trades down, who trades up and who's that girl?

We'd much rather enjoy mocking the silly things that could occur on draft day. Here goes:

* The Minnesota Vikings miss their first-round pick for the third straight year and have to scurry to the podium to get their selection before another team jumps in and steals their guy.

* Unlike previous drafts, Vikings head coach Mike Tice did not scalp his tickets to the Jacob Javits Center.

* With the Oakland Raiders back in the first round, the odds of an early afternoon "I didn't even have him on my board" outburst from Mel Kiper Jr. went up by a factor of 10.

* No first-round pick for the Jets means no Blair Thomas and Jeff Lageman repeats.

* The idiocy of Eagles fans could reach legendary status this year. With the No. 31 pick in this year's NFL draft, the Philadelphia Eagles select "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Eagles fans boo for no good reason, like it's their unalienable right to bash their team's management. If Auburn running back Ronnie Brown inexplicably dropped from the top five to No. 31, fans would be pissed when the Eagles drafted him. It's as if years of arguing Geno's cheesesteaks vs. Pat's cheesesteaks finally turned the brain matter into cheese whiz.

* Which college player will outdress Michael Irvin?

* Over/under on number of times Irvin says, "The U," a reference to his alma mater Miami Hurricanes: 7.

* Over/under on number of uses of the phrase "He makes plays" in the first round: 17.

* In the first day: 416.

* Number of clips shown of a defensive player that was just drafted missing a tackle in a game: 0.

* Michigan wide receiver Braylon Edwards is a terrific player and potential top 5 pick. Let's just hope the team that drafts him doesn't throw any footballs on stage. Edwards has a knack for dropping%