Monday, July 26, 2004

Ricky's gone? Too bad

Yes, sports fans, it's true. Ricky Williams is gone. He traded in the wedding dress, the dreads, the funny cigarettes and the shtick for a one-way ticket to Asia.

It's a tremendous loss for the city of Miami, the NFL, and the poor, broken-hearted Dolphins fans. But in thousands of households across the nation, millions of people slept a little easier last night, grateful that Williams is gone and hopeful that it's for good.

You see, there is a game people play -- a game called fantasy football -- where the real-life comings and goings of NFLers can make or break you. When a superstar like Williams hangs up the cleats in the prime of his career, it can destroy a team anchored by his prodigious running and his prolific touchdowns. And when you are one of the owners lucky enough not to have His Hairness on your team, you really can't help but feel giddy over your opponent's misfortune.

To the ill-fated owners whose hopes have been waylaid, we offer this: Boo hoo. "That's a bummer," in the words of noted empath Steve Mariucci.

Good luck trying to rebuild your sorry teams. In the meantime, try not to think too much about what might have been. We promise to buy you some Kleenex just as soon as our first-place check clears.

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