A hockey fan's lament

You know, since hockey's gone away, I've found a lot of new ways to spend my time. I watch a lot more poker. I play a lot more roller hockey. I get a lot more sleep. I spend a lot less time patching up holes in my wall. But now that football season is over, I've found myself inundated with lousy televised sporting events from the mediocre to the just plain dull.

Here's a small sampling of my hockey-replacement therapy:

The Knicks

I would say watching the Knicks has absolutely no entertainment value at all, except there's something strangely hypnotic about watching a team miss 14 free throws in a row.

Unfortunately, the drama is gone when your team is down by 30 points at halftime. Time to switch to a "Law & Order" re-run.

Semi-Pro Bowl

If there is a more embarrassing sports event than the NFL Pro Bowl, I'd like to see it. I've lost track of how many players have begged out of the game due to injury, or in the case of the Jets' Curtis Martin, plain old indifference. Can someone tell me again what's so exciting about watching a bunch of replacements play two-hand touch on an island a week after the Super Bowl?

Unless you've got money on the game (and if you do, you are a full-blown dullard in my book), I can't think of one single reason to watch it. Take a look at that picture. Does that look like football to you?

Isn't sports supposed to be about entertainment and competition? Let's face it, the Pro Bowl is about as entertaining and competitive as ladies' billiards. "Ohhhhh Allison Fisher pockets the three ball... and oh wow! Look at that position on the four!" ....... Wow, indeed.

Women's hoops

Now that I've sufficiently bored you to death, I'd like to opine on another unwatchable sport -- women's college basketball. [Bracing for anti-me backlash]

You know, I just can't get psyched about watching a basketball game when some of the players cannot pass, dribble, or shoot from outside 10 feet. Sorry if I sound naive and chauvinistic, but aren't those fundamental skills of the game? I would hate to see a single school shut down its program, but do I really have to watch William & Mary and Hofstra put up brick after brick on my television screen on Sunday afternoon? Wasn't there a "Knicks Life: All Ball" re-run MSG could've showed?

Epilogue

Maybe I'm just grouchy because I miss the NHL. Maybe my increased exposure to alternative events has made me more aware of their incompetence. Don't hold it against me, though. You see, a part of my life has been stripped from me.

"You're going through withdrawal," a friend recently told me.
"Withdrawal?" I asked.
"Hockey withdrawal. Do you have a good health plan?"
"Yeah, why?" I said.
"Well maybe you should seek counseling,"

Anyone know the name of a good therapist? Or network exec?